Alice in Wonderland Ain't Got Nothin' On Me

I taught my 4th graders fairy tales this week.  Right about now, you're probably thinking, "wow, she's basically an expert on this topic then." And how right you'd be. I went down to Mankato to pick up my new RAV 4 Limited and left feeling like Lauren in Heintz Toyota might be a better sell than Alice in Wonderland.  The only thing she may have on me is the fact Wonderland gave her a cake that said "eat me" on it.  Then again, probably a good move on the dealership's part not to give me that.  Not only did they save me the calories, but either the WWF or 90210 have stripped the term of its innocence  Those two words are now considered fighting words.  Regardless, I think the elements of a fairy tale I experienced would make Oprah's book club list, and if turned into a movie would give the Star Wars dynasty a run for their money:  

A Kind/Good Character:

-I think it's obvious who we're talking about here...

-Usually this character has some princess like quality.  She's either beautiful or has the body measurements Sir Mix A Lot made popular back in the 90s.  It wasn't until this car that I could claim, I've got a hot butt.  Not because it looks good in a skirt, but because I now have seat warmers.  My butt is literally hot whenever I decide. There's my "hot girl factor." Boom.

Magic/Enchantments:

-The corner of my rear-view mirror turns into a camera when I back up.  I'm as shocked and impressed as all of you.  I have my own personal Snow White mirror.  

-When I have my keys on me (even if they're in my purse or pocket), and I touch the door it opens.  I'm above magic words like "abracadabra or open sesame."  Not even the Wizard of Oz could stop this.

Guardians (fairy godmothers, mentors, magical helpers, guides, etc.)

-Max (Sales Consultant) and Natalie (Financial Services Manager) played these parts beautifully.  Max didn't have a wand, but he did wave around a key-less FOB.  He did not fly like Tinkerbell, but did offer up a little jig. When I said I had hoped Natalie had something like a tiny dance prepared for the finance portion of the day, he caught my hint.  His jazz hands and toe tapping put Michael Flatley to shame.  When it was Natalie's turn she didn't disappoint.  She didn't need to coach me on how to walk in heels or behave around royalty like the fairy godmother in Cinderella.  What she did need to help me with was remembering how to write $2,500 on my check.  I don't throw down cash that freely or often so I had a little self doubt.  She was very helpful with the organization of numbers.  I was battling some pretty tricky 3rd grade math, and she really pulled through for me.

Evil Characters:

-Usually these characters are very ugly and easy to spot.  In my story these two are just the opposite.  Wrapped in a pretty package, my boyfriend and sister pooped on my parade.  As I drove back to Minneapolis, I called Matt to wow him with all the fun features.  Realizing I had recently consumed inappropriate amounts of caffeine and was on buyer's high I told him I'd let him go.  Usually this offer provokes the response "oh, no I love talking with you."  This time he said "oooooook."  Poop on my parade.  So, I call my sister, Stephanie to let her know I'm heading back home.  After a couple minutes I threw her the same bait I had given Matt and told her I can tell she's done with the conversation so I'll let her go.  She bluntly says "well, all you have to talk about is your car and that doesn't interest me."  Poop on my parade.  They're like that poisonous apple in Snow White.  Pretty until you hit below the surface.

Rags to Riches:

-My parent's dog, Murphy, will eat anything and everything.  Last time I was home he ate the insides of my shoes.  I'm cheap, so I rolled with it, and instead of throwing them have chanced Plantar Fasciitis.  Cinderella had a glass slipper, but I'm an athlete and not willing to spend more than $20 on shoes.  So, I splurged slightly at Old Navy and bought my version of glass slippers for $24.95.  I'm a high roller now.