Duck Dynasty...I'd Quack At That

A few of us at lunch haven't fully been exposed to the show Duck Dynasty and this was seen as unacceptable to some.  Two of my coworkers (Andy and David) walked into the teacher's lounge with two of the finest beards a teacher's salary can buy.  It was a beautiful mix of Scotch tape, construction paper, and unwarranted arrogance.  To show my appreciation for their efforts I decided I'd sit down and watch an episode tonight.  During this experience, I felt more like I was watching the Travel Channel or Telemundo.  I'm learning about a whole new culture and a good chunk of the time I'm confused as to what they're saying.

The Education Duck Dynasty Has Gifted Me

New Words/Phrases:
-"He's pooped more parties than anyone I know."-Duck Dynasty

*Leaves the audience wondering: is he literally pooping at parties or is he just a fun hater?

-"You're smokin' hot.  Lot hotter than this fire.  Nothin' like a hot woman who's hot."-Duck Dynasty

*Am I hotter in the summer if I'm a female they consider hot?  How about post workout?

-"Ain't no one want to squat next to Poisen Ivy. You'll give those anal regions misery."-Duck Dynasty

*Agreed.

-"Let's go to the archery range and settle this!"-Duck Dynasty

*Contrary to the people of the North, a game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" settles nothing.  They've got a "go big or go home" mentality that I've come to appreciate.

Leadership:
-The CEO is a man named Willie.  Usually Willie is associated with spit in the ear or a 5 year old, but in this special place this name belongs to the most powerful man.  His posse has secret code names to show discretion and importance.  For example, he's got a buddy he likes to call Mountain Man.  Probably to keep his identity protected.  Which one is he?  The one who looks like a mountain man which is sneakier than you'd think considering the other people in this show.

The Attire:
-Showing some consistency in their mission, they keep their attire like they keep their associates.  This has got to be the largest concentration of camouflage outside of the Military.  They're sporting pants, shorts, shirts, tuxedos, button ups, hats, and bandannas  Some ask "boxer or briefs?"  I'd dare ask "forest camouflage or winter camouflage?"

The Look:
-Six pack abs are pretty universally appreciated.  However, this group's philosophy is the hairier the merrier.  In all honesty there was an odd fixation that I developed with Jace.  That's all I'm willing to offer.  I don't want to talk about it.

The Ladies:
-Let's be honest.  The wives wouldn't be kicked out of bed for eating cookies.  Frankly, they'd probably be ok having themselves a buffet in there.  Not only are they pretty, but they must have been "Where's Waldo children prodigies."  They're married to and are having children with men that are half the time camouflaged into their surroundings. Talk about a keeping the spark alive.  They're playing a perpetual game of hide n' go seek.