My Own Personal Target Lady

(For Dawn: Below I’ll have a key of what the highlighting means;))

______=My secret thoughts
______=A visual of what’s happening

______=Me

______=Target Lady

There’s a Target Lady skit Krisitn Wig used to do on SNL and I always wanted my very own. Today, I received a gift.

I’m well aware I’ve got a tendency to get myself in some awkward conversations with strangers, but today the exchange with younger cashier at Target ranks pretty high. She was looking for a buddy, and I made the mistake of initiating conversation.

Me: Hey. How’s it going?

Target Lady: Oh, ah, good. Just working!

(It’s as though I had called her on the phone and she was trying to paint me a picture of her current activities.)

Me: Oh the worst, hopefully you’re almost done though!

Target Lady: (Gets distracted by spider webs I had bought) Oh wow! Spiderrrr webbbbbbbs! (she said this in a gremlin voice...I kid you not) Although I LOVE it, can you believe they’re putting this stuff out we haven’t even gone through Thanksgiving yet!?!?!
(Trying to not embarrass her I didn’t say anything, but I fear the confused narrowing of my eyes tipped her off) Wait. That’s not right is it? Hmmm, it’s after Halloween isn’t it?

Me: That’s ok, you were close and it’s probably been a long day for you:) To be fair I saw Christmas stuff back there and thought let us get through Halloween first.

Target Lady: It has been long. Long day. Long day. Long dayyyyyyyyyy. I love Halloween. And Christmas stuff? Ugh. Let us appropriately celebrate being a pagan, people. Right?

Me: (fearing she’d cast a hex on me I started nodding agreeingly) Ya, just take it all in one at a time.

Target Lady: Do you want me to put your jugs (don’t even go there, I know, I felt violated too) in a bag?

Me: Noooo, I don’t need a bag....look at me saving the Earth.

Target Lady: (In a southern gentleman voice mixed with a little Elvis) Awwww, well thank you ma’am for saving my Earth.

Me: I do what I can, have a good one.

I’m hoping next Sunday, if I play my cards right, I earn a peek at her spell book...